1. |
Dollar Store Squatch
03:32
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last night at the dollar tree
I beheld a sight my eyes could not believe
a cryptid primate was shopping there
surely looking for some menacing wares
he must've stood about eight feet tall
biggest feet that I ever saw
lean and buff, and covered with hair
the skunk ape stench filled the air
I saw sasquatch at the dollar store
and I don't know what he was in there for
but he left a big footprint in the mud
and it looked to me like he was out for blood
your blood!
I pulled out my phone and tried to snap a pic
but he turned around and scampered off quick
he left an imprint outside in the slurry
but my photograph turned out kinda blurry
he turned to me and said "don't you pollute my home
or I'll grab your arms, and break your bones
you destroy ecosystems with all your trash
and if i catch you littering its your head I will smash!"
I saw sasquatch at the dollar store
and I don't know what he was in there for
but he left a big footprint in the mud
and it looked to me like he was out for blood
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2. |
Globster
04:05
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there's something on the beach
lying in the sand
an unfathomable creature
we can't hope to understand
it came from the deep
a horrifying mass
with a wide hungry mouth
globs of tissue and fat
all we know is that its here for you
it crawled out of the mariana trench
cover your eyes!
it's a globster!
is it a lobster?
a mass of whale blubber?
did it eat a person?
is it hungry for another?
well better lock your doors
don't leave the house at night
cause he's out there waiting
oh what a terrible fright
all we know is that he's here for you
it crawled out of the mariana trench
run for your lives!
its...its...its a globster!
all we know is that its here for you
it crawled out of the challenger deep
cover your eyes!
its a globster!
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3. |
Dracula Stole My Heart
02:42
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well I don't know just what to do
it seems every night that I dream of you
I long to feel your cold embrace
and snuggle up to that undead face
to see my blood upon your fangs
would be my favorite thing
and I know I can make you see
you're the perfect guy for me
you were born in ancient transylvania
traveled far to kentuckiana
to raise a castle high
silhouetted against the night sky
I was raised on a farm
you want to do me bodily harm
and I know I can make you see
you're the perfect undead for me
I hear you calling through the mist
I just wanna feel your fist
share your coffin every night
we'll rise together in the moonlight
since we met this is how I've felt
I'll be a better servant than Renfield
and when you turn into a bat
well that causes me a heart attack
I know you're the one for me
I even wrote about you in my diary
dracula stole my heart
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4. |
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splish splash I was taking a bath
when it crawled right next to me
been spending all my time alone
and he looked so cuddly
covered in hair, with eight long legs
I knew we were a match
when I laid eyes on that abdomen
and that big ol thorax
it came from the drain
it came from the drain
it came from the drain
and so I made love to it
so many legs to hold me tight
when I'm just laying awake at night
so many things to fantasize
when I look into those many eyes
I never felt this way before
you can sleep behind my closet door
and to think that this has just begun
I'm trapped in the web you've spun
it came from the drain
it came from the drain
it came from the drain
and so I made love to it
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5. |
Killer
09:08
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I'm a killer, and I'm in your backyard
you can try to run but you know you wont get far
I'm possessed by something and I must fulfill this need
plus I love the way you look when you try to plead
I will take you home and keep you there in chains
but when the dogs start barking I start feeling quiet deranged
I will take this scalpel, and tear chunks from your flesh
but then the next day I start feeling some regret
so I nurse you back to health, and try not to brutalize
but then I lose my temper and gouge out both your eyes
how much of this can you take? how much can you stand?
if I crack some ribs and take a hammer to your hands
don't you lose your nerve, please try to get a grip
it's just a little blood, and we don't want you to slip
from the meat hooks that I've driven deep into your skin
if I pierce a lung, do you think you'll still function?
I'll leave you to your fate, like a rotten curio
soon you'll be the same as me, decayed, decrepit soul
my flesh is a prison
and my soul has been consumed with rot
I once knew what it meant to be human
but somehow I forgot
I could've shown repentance
but I lost the meaning of that word
a lifetime spent tormenting
now in eternal flames I burn
for my impulses
this is the price I deserve to pay
the flames crack my skin
burning down a scarred and withered face
I cry out for mercy
and attempt to grasp the healing hand
but the moment passes
for all time I have been damned
I'm a killer, and I'm in your backyard
you can try to run but you know you won't get far
my flesh is a prison, my soul filled with rot
I once knew regret but it's something I've forgot
I cry out for mercy, to grasp the healing hand
but the moment passes, for all time I have been damned
damned
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